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LYRICS

 

Raymond is a Badass Once a Year

 

His clothes are neat, his Nissan’s clean

looks a bit like Mr Bean

His manner meek, his nature soft

Oh He’ll suppress that trouser cough

But every summer for just one week

This modest milk dud blows off steam

 

He rents a Harley and he rides it like a crazy man

He throws it up and everywhere until it hits the fan

Fake tats, shaved head, so rad

Man bad, man bad, man bad

He’s got no worries, no stress, no fear

Raymond is a badass once a year

Oh once a year

 

Back at home, he makes his bed

Packs a sandwich with multigrain bread

Goes unnoticed while at work

Conceals his odd ball-scratching quirk  

Then August comes and now it’s time

To turn into that alpha guy

 

CHORUS

 

I was a badass here tonight

I am out of sight

and if my boss could see me now

she’d be saying “wow!”

I’ll post a selfie for my fans 

Those seven friends on Instagram 

Back to the Motel 6 to park 

Unsafe riding after dark

 

Cruisin' into town flanked by my platoon

  I am rockin' One Eyed Jack's Saloon
Decked in leather clothes, out for fun and thrills

I am so the king of these Black Hills

 

CHORUS

 

Ann B Davis

She'd never try to tell you what to think 

'cause she was an actress

who didn't know everything

She never rode the prima donna train

Yeah she was a grown up

and she had a brain

 

She's walkin’ around at the Brady house

pickin' up the stuff that the kids left out
keeping it cool while chaos reigns

Jan and Peter fight but she won't complain 

 

If I could be any person in the world

Any man, woman, boy or girl

If I could give someone else's life a whirl

It'd be Ann B Davis, Ann B Davis

 

She left it all to go work for a church
till her public relations

were down to a blurb

She understood the shallowness of fame

and she was happy to stay

inside of that middle frame

 

She's walking around in the Brady house

pickin' up the stuff that the kids left out
keeping it cool while chaos reigns

Greg and Marsha fight but she won't complain

 

If I could be any person in the world

Any man, woman, boy or girl

If I could give someone else's life a whirl

It'd be Ann B Davis

​If I could go back to the 70's

​assume someone else's identity

There's just one person that I'd wanna be

and that's Ann B Davis

Ann B Davis

 

She wants to get to know you

Know all about you

 

She's walking around in the Brady house

pickin' up the stuff that the kids left out
keeping it cool while chaos reigns

Greg and Marsha fight but she won't complain

 

CHORUS

Stupid Future

The night was dark, I fell asleep

and drifted off into a dream

and what I saw, I could not believe

seems its no longer 1943 ...

 

Well its the darnedest thing I've ever seen

everybody staring down at their own tiny screens

wearing the most revealing, peculiar clothes

with tattoos and shiny metal objects in their nose

 

Seems like everyone's a diva

with historical amnesia

and what's the big idea with antifa?

here in this stupid future 

 

I read about the future in comic books when I was a kid

But I never ever thought that it would turn out like it did

Why is everybody screaming, swearing, arguing about everything?

And this noise that they call music, man it just doesn't swing

 

Well it's bright and loud and dazzling

but it seems to be unravelling

Not sure I want to be traveling here

to this this Stupid Future 

 

Instrumental break 

 

The radios have no static

their devices work like magic

but its shallow, dumb and tragic, seems to me

here in this stupid future 

 

This age is totally whack

Feels like I’ve been to hell and back

Some people just need a good smack 

and whats with all this gender crap?

 

The drama and chaos, man it's tough

But yeah they’ve got some cool stuff

Even so, I've had enough

and won't be coming back

to this stupid future

Me & My Corndog

Me and my corndog

we met at the county fair

Now I'm eating' 'em everywhere

Me and my corndog

texture’s oh so fine 

I’m eatin 'em all the time

 

Most folks would call me a foodie

who can be just a little bit snooty

'cause I won't be caught dead

in a Ruby Tuesday’s 

 

I know what's good for  me

Organic and gluten free

I'd rather chop off my head

than ever eat at a Denny's 

 

I've got a secret food love

and my friends must never know

'cause if anybody ever finds out

then here come the trolls

here come the trolls

 

Me and my corndog

we met at the county fair

Now I'm eating' 'em everywhere

Me and my corndog

flavor's oh so fine 

Don't care if I'm outta line

 

It's heaven on a stick

A big mouthful of bliss

Bobby Flay or Thomas Keller

ain't got nothin' on this

 

and at the end of the day

Gonna pair it up with something great

Heading' down to the wine cellar

for a nice chardonnay

 

I've got a secret food love

and my friends must never know

'cause if anybody ever finds out

then here come the trolls

here come the trolls

 

CHORUS

 

Corn dogs are just so wonderful

that I eat 'em at home

and I eat 'em at work

 

I'm past the point of caring

Corndogs are meant for sharing

 

CHORUS  

First World Problem

No cell phone service in Beverly Hills

10 minute wait for a treadmill

Trader Joe’s is out of the good merlot

Took a loss on my portfolio

My iPhone battery’s down to 12 percent

Purebred pup just had an accident 

Starbucks drive thru lane just takes forever

Housekeeper showed up late, whatever

 

First World problem 

Look I found one

Where’s my shotgun 

First World Problem

 

the guy at the Tesla dealership was rude

Can’t find any decent Indian food

My summer home needs eco friendly paint

I know I should be happy but I ain’t 

my vintage Steinway grand is out of tune

too many people on the beach here in Cancun 

everybody’s trying to pull my lever

Life coach just makes it worse, whatever

 

CHORUS 

 

We like the look, we love the group 

Oh won't you come and save us?

The other side, the evil guys

want to overtake us

with common sense

 

Gender non-conforming 

non binary, gotta smash the patriarchy

Racist, sexist, intersectionality

privilege, white supremacy

gender bias, non-inclusive

common sense elusive

socialism, communism, aneurism

tiny prism

shut 'em down, no debate, 

echo chamber, faker, hater

whatever ...

 

CHORUS

High Level Math

Born and raised in Mobile 

and it ain’t no big deal

but I never fit in

when my buddies were fishin’

I had a different ambition 

Playin' around in base 10

 

I prefer decimals to drinkin’

I'll be on my front porch swing just thinkin' 

and I'd rather divide than take a midnight ride

in a pickup truck with a girlfriend 

I’ll do some ... 

 

Long division, multiplication

addition, subtraction

Complex calculations

Calculus and differential equations

Yeah I'm an Alabama abberation

My buddies all think I'm headin'

down the wrong path

'cause I like to stay at home doin'

High level math

 

Chuck's an ex city slicker

Who wanted to make liquor

but he didn't know how

and Ol' Hanks tractor

a rusty old scrapper

Well it just kept breakin' down

 

and so I did some computations

and fixed both of their situations 

Now Charlie's Bourbon was born

and good ol' Hank is shuckin' corn

Yeah the Number Ninja does it again

Because I did some ...

 

CHORUS

 

Around 3:00 am, I get a call from Clem

Him and Buck are lost, they got their signals crossed

Took a few wrong turns, and now they're both concerned

Can't find their way back from the honky tonk

Dragged myself out of bed, tracked them with GPS

Triangulated their position tryin to end their expedition

Told them to turn back, make a left at the shack

and now they're on the road

Happy to be headin' home

 

GUITAR SOLO

 

Long division, multiplication

addition, subtraction

Complex calculations

Calculus and differential equations

Yeah I'm an Alabama abberation

and now my friends all know 

just what saved their ass

It was their nerdy buddy

and some High level math

 

Oh high level math oh

i just want the right answer

high level math

for my buddies and me

1 and 1 is 2, 2 and 2 is 4, 3 and 3 is 6

and so on and so on ....

The Belle Isle Rats

Cool tunes infused with humor and stupidity

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