THE ​BELLE ISLE RATS

Bad Haircut

There you go lookin' like you just fell

face first into a tackle box

You're a walkin', talkin' Jackson Pollock painting

From the school of soft knocks

 

Hey man, hey man

I'm talkin' to you

with the bad haircut

Hey man, hey man

I'm talkin' to you, you

 

Aren't you're the one who complains about the seating

on the lifeboat that just saved your butt

You're in a hallway with a thousand open doors

but then you whine about the two that are shut

 

CHORUS

 

You're so crazy

and individual

Just like everybody else

 

Chump, chump

Chump, chump

ooh, Don't be a chump

ooh, Don't be a chump now

Be a chump, be a chump, be a chump, yeah

 

CHORUS

 

You're so crazy

and individual

Just like everybody else

 

Chump

 

 

If Elvis Wasn’t Dead

His girth would be intense

He'd have a list of ailments

He'd be singing "Don't Be Cruel" while he's wearin' Depends

He might be more complacent

Since the hip replacement

Whoa, If Elvis wasn't dead

 

He'd stand in line for something free

and drive a Mercury Marquis

He might even be a spokesman for the AARP

On a couch at Graceland snoozin'

Computers would confuse him

Whoa, if Elvis wasn't dead

 

Heartbreak Hotel is now a Comfort Inn

Viva Las Vegas has alot more sin

Rock and roll's been shipped out to the hood

Since Elvis left the building, for good

 

He wouldn't care about reviews

'cause he'd have an attitude

And Dr Scholl's inserts in his blue suede shoes

He'd show up at the Oscars

In his robe and boxers

Whoa, If Elvis wasn't dead

 

"take it away, Jerry ..."

 

SOLO

 

Well, If he knew how much things cost

It would really piss him off

and if you stopped to say hello he probably tell you to get lost

He'd be the King of all curmudgeons

and he would not be budging

Whoa, If Elvis wasn't dead

Yeah, if Elvis wasn't dead

Yeah, if Elvis wasn't dead

 

TechnoEnforcinator

He was watching when you told everybody

what you had for dinner, on Twitter

TechnoEnforcinator

He was there when you bragged about your awesome day 

on your Facebook page

TechnoEnforcinator

You weren't alone when you whipped out your smartphone

in the middle of a conversation

with a real person

Every use of BFD, LOL and OMG

He was there to see   

 

He's come to save the world

From incivility

He wants to turn us back

into real human beings

So throw your phone away

Shut the computer off

and do it sooner than later

Lest you incur the wrath of

TechnoEnforcinator

 

He'll make a note of every stupid little joke you forward

and every pet video

TechnoEnforcinator

It did not go unnoticed, that hostile stuff you posted

with your political views

 

CHORUS

 

He's coming for you Mac Store dwellers

Got his sites set on every Fry's

He's the masked, tech etiquette super hero

And he wants to send all offenders

to that great die-fi hotspot

up in the sky

 

CHORUS

 

Bowl With You

Oh I would follow you up to the Northwest Territories

or any other place like that on the earth

Because my darling with the Judas Priest tattoo

for whatever it's worth

I've a desire that's true

 

And if you travel to the former Soviet Union

and drink chilled vodka while hanging out in Red Square

Oh my love I'll simply do what it takes to meet up with you there

'cause I just wanna bowl with you

 

and if you prove elusive I'll hire a private investigator

to help in tracking you down

If you travel down to South Africa

and enjoy a tropical drink on a beach in Cape Town

I won't stop my pursuit

 

And if you decide to charter a private Gulfstream jet

and head over to the island of Guam

I'll pack my aching heart and expensive surveillance

equipment and I'll tag along

'cause I just wanna bowl with you

 

You're beauty is so striking

Darling I've got love to spare

and I'll try to keep my mind out of the gutter

But darlin' you can set my pins up anywhere

 

That turn you made up to Reykjavik, Iceland

in the high speed luxury yacht

almost threw me off of the trail

but ah my love what you need to understand

that I will not fail

In what I have to do

 

And once I get you back here in the states and we're 

enjoying the day at the Bay City Lanes

You're completely free to go about your normal activities

after the beer frame

'cause I just wanna bowl with you

 

whistle ...

 

I just wanna bowl with you

 

Oh How I Love To Fail!

Honey do job, fix the toilet

Who needs directions? Oops I destroyed it

But still I'm smiling

Oh, how I love to fail!

 

I got passed over, for the promotion

Massive pay cut, and a demotion

But I'm just thrilled to death

Oh how I love to fail!

 

Success is overrated

Achievement overstated

I've moved to the nation

Of lowered expectations

I take joy in blunders

Pride in being a fumbler

I enjoy a good fiasco

 

Final golf match, for the trophy

Missed the putt for a quadruple bogey (moron!)

Pump my fist and say Yes!

How I love to fail!

 

CHORUS

 

Seems I botch everything I do

No way to avoid it

SInce I'll get blamed anyway

I might as well enjoy it

 

Gourmet dinner, from my kitchen

But my guests left with botulism

It's just another day

How I love to fail!

Oh how I love to fail!

Oh how I love to fail!

 

 

Blow Stuff Up

It all began in June of 1983

We'd stop at roadside fireworks stands in Tennessee

And I'd buy firecrackers, M-80's and stink bombs

 

When I got home I couldn't wait to try 'em out

But around my house that sorta thing was not allowed

and so I had to wait till everyone was gone

but then ... 

 

Boom, boom, my old gyms socks

Boom, boom, the mailbox

Boom, boom, my dad's laptop

I like to blow stuff up

Boom, boom, the cordless drill

Boom, boom, my moms treadmill

Boom, boom, The Forman Grill

I like to blow stuff up

Boom, boom,

Oh Boom, boom

 

At some point, on the small stuff I began to sour

So I found ways to get me some more firepower

Now I've got homemade bombs, C4 and dynamite

and now

 

Boom. boom, the new flat screen

Boom, boom, the Dairy Queen

Boom, boom, the tambourine

I like to blow stuff up

Boom, boom, the neighbors car

Boom, boom the corner bar

Boom, boom, I've gone too far ...

 

Well the victims all confronted me in court

That's when I knew that my life would be 

shorter than planned

and now ...

 

Boom, boom, my feet and knees

Boom, boom, my testicleese

Boom, boom, my face swiss cheese

They like to blow me up

Boom, boom, my arms and hands

Boom, boom , my thyroid gland

Boom, boom, there goes my ass

sailing thru the air

Boom, boom,

Oh boom, boom

Oh, oh, boom, boom